Here goes nothing:
For starters.....I'm pretty S.L.O.W....when it comes to this Blog world. I've not a clue what or how to do this. OOPS......
So...I'm on a mission to find my DRIVE again. There was a point in my life I had all the desire and ambition/hopes & DREAMS...all the inspiration one could ever ask for.
Then.......something pretty huge happened..Some might say well it's been a long time and I should be fine now. I lost my best friend in the entire world nearly 4 years ago.
New Years Eve 2008 my mother took her last breath of air.....You think these things really don't happen to you. Then it actually does....
This woman was my entire life and i've been completely lost without her. From a young age our parents prepare us to be able to live without them, to be capable of making it on our own. Of course we know this and most of us accomplish this to the greatest degrees. However I've found myself reverting. I live on my own quite well...was on a great track had a pretty great job with a pretty exciting track record for going to the top in several directions.
I decided to leave all this in order to spend the last few months taking care of my mom. In the end I'd never change a thing. My life turned upside down and things that used to mean the world to me suddenly meant nothing to me. Every hope and desire I'd had were finished.
I would then spend the next few years trying to make things work. Balance out whatever it was that needed to be balanced. Struggling every which way I looked.
Then one day I made the decision to relocate to Sunny Polluted Los Angeles. To be honest the best decision I ever made for my career.
Yes...on the up and up and still felt lost as I submerged myself into all sorts of work without a moment to think..just the way I wanted it. Who needs to think about the past when it's unbearable right.
Well, cut to something: and it's been nearly 4 years and i'm just now starting to find myself again. Trying to slowly put the pieces back together in a new life with new hopes and dreams. However...i'm having a hard time finding these desires and dreams and this inspiration I once held so well.
You see...I'm a triathlete, I'm a marathoner, i'm an overly obsessive athlete..that doesn't really get paid for it. However...this is my thing...I REPEAT: MY THING...sometimes I share it with a few thousand of my neighbors...but really deep down ..it's my thing...well and my mom's thing!!
I've recently come to a bit of "burn OUT" and needless to say at the Worst TIME.....I have my FIRST HALF IRONMAN in one week to the day.
3 weeks ago......I hurt my I T band...and well I'm not running right now. My training has hit a wall due to pain and attempt to correct this debilitating issue...Another problem....I have a marathon in 3 weeks. After I have a little break...(thank god)
Please God...let me make it through these races.
So needless to say this has put me in quite the RUT...I'm depressed, under trained...even though I think going out for a brisk 13 miles on any give day is FUN....sO IT'S not that i'm under prepared...It's that i'm being really hard on myself and everything else is following suit. I've suddenly started thinking i've gained all this weight and I'M FAT omg...
Those dreadful words...Sometimes I live on the mentality omg if I were skinnier I'd be faster. hahahah...Although deep down I"M fine....
So I'M ON A QUEST...to find myself to find my inspiration...to make it through this race...Just treat it like any training day right..it's my thing man...I got this.....
Stop thinking stupid thoughts....I got this...I GOT THIS
sO on my quest for love of what I do best...but am trying to do better....I'm creating this blog to find my own inspiration again...but really...
It's to give anyone out there a bit of inspiration themselves...to do what your afraid of. To be the best you can be...To find love and beauty in anything around you....To lead a better, healthier life. To do good for others and let the world know you are one of the good ones.
I want to inspire the world or at least a few people anyway...If i'm lucky enough one day to make this my real job hey I've accomplished what I think I've been put here to do.......
So guys and gals.......here goes nothing...
